we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
