I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
