I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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