don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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