Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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