I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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