This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
