I wanna bring you to show and tell
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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