im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
