Please, let me fuck your mom
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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