Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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