I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
