I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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