You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
