And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
