airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
