He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
