I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
