Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
