My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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