Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
