wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i would punch a child for taco bell
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
