Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
