I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize