maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
