She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
