I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
