i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
