you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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