i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ttyl tear gas
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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