Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
