Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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