THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
