Only a mothe r could love this liver
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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