I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
