I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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