Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
