awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize