Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
