Four minutes until I can fart!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You made out with two different species that night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
