Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
