I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
