I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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