i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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