I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
