Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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