yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Rumble strips road head = magical
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
