His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
