how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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