I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
