Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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