dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
