Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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