Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
