just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
