her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
this hospital has no fireball
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
