my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
