I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
