you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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