I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
