your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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