you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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