never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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