I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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