This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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