New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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