Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
