how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she peed on how many people?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
