Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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