It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
