No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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