Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
